Lost in Transition

We are living in a transitional space, no doubt about it.  We are here, in the same house we have lived in for the past 10 years, but it is no longer our house.  We are managing to keep up with cutting the grass, but have given up gardening or any other yard work.  No potted flowers decorating our porch or patio this year.  What is the point when you know they will die in storage anyway?

I have also given up cleaning certain rooms in the house.  Our front room is the holding room - no longer a space for living, simply a space for piling stuff.  Even if I could maneuver in there, what is the point of cleaning it?  Keith will just haul more dusty, dirty stuff up from the basement and plop it there.

I don't like living this way.  The house (not out house anymore) looks sad without flowers on the porch.  I dislike walking into the house everyday and entering the chaos of boxes and random things piled up.  I don't want to be here anymore.  I'm ready to go.

I know this life of transition will continue for at least 2 or 3 more months.  We will spend a month living with my mother-in-law in Pennsylvania, then another 4 to 6 weeks living...somewhere.  We don't know where yet.  In Maine, we hope, but wherever it is, it will be another transition space. 

We are lucky.  We will have a house waiting for us on the other side of this transition...a beautiful new house that we hope never to leave.  These three transitional months are nothing when you image the years to come.  However, in the middle of the tunnel, it is sometimes hard to see the light at the other end.

The Comfort Zone

I wouldn't necessarily say I'm neurotic about organization - I just prefer it to disorganization, that's all.  My house is rarely clean (that is, dusted and vacuumed) but it is almost always organized.  Most things in my house have A Place, and the few things have not yet been designated A Place drive me crazy.  I'm not a minimalist - there are piles of stuff in my house, most often books - but they are neat, organized piles.  And I admit, somewhat ashamedly, that when I dine out in a restaurant the first thing I do when I sit down at the table is arrange the silverware and condiments so they are neatly in place.  I know.  But I'm not hurting anyone, right?

This is the front room in my house right now:

The other rooms aren't much better.  I think H's room and the bathrooms are the only rooms without piles of boxes in them.  You can imagine, I'm sure, how far out of my comfort zone this puts me. 

I wouldn't say that living with this chaos is the greatest challenge of the moving process...we've had far too many other obstacles for me to make that claim.  But I would say that this room is symbolic of what we are going through right now.  Life is uncomfortable these days.  Being uncomfortable is necessary for growth.  But it isn't fun.

Giving It Up

I put it all out there.  I took all my stress and I put it out to the Universe.  I put it on this blog. I put it on Facebook.  I put it in an email to my moms' group.  I gave it to my yoga teacher.  I gave it to a friend over dinner.  I have raised my hands and given it up.

And the Universe has given back to me.  I've been offered a condo to use, free of charge.  I've been offered a beautiful house to rent at an affordable price with no stipulations.  Friends have offered the use of their house while they are on vacation.  Friends have offered to help us pack and move our things to storage. 

In the worst of times, the Universe always shows you why you should be grateful.  Last year, we experienced the worst thing we have ever experienced - a crash that injured me and two of our kids, destroyed our family vehicle and shook our sense of safety.  And yet, through the fear and the pain and the stress, I was overwhelmed with gratitude.  Friends called and stopped by.  Family came to stay.  Everyone cooked for us and brought us food.  A beautiful little girl gave T her jacket, to replace the one he lost in the accident. 

Sometimes, I forget.  But this week has been a reminder to me.  When you think things are at their worst, don't lock the fear and the stress inside.  Give it up to the Universe, put it out there, and you will be amazed at what you get back. 

A Vacation Day

We're no further ahead today than we were yesterday, but...

...how could we resist this? 

It's July 4th, it's a holiday, the weather was perfect (until the storm) and the beach was there.  We were powerless to resist.  Plus, H looks so cute in her new suit, doesn't she?

Where Do We Go From Here?

Last night was one of the jolted-awake-at-3-am-by-total-fear nights. Our deadline for moving out of this house is August 15th, and it is now July.  Where on earth are we going to go?  Do you have any idea how hard it is to find short-term rentals (I'm talking like a one month rental) when there are six of you, plus a dog?  Who on earth is going to rent to us for only a month, especially when they catch a glimpse of the four kids and the dog?  Hotels are too expensive, and what would we do with the dog anyway?  And really, what are we supposed to do with all our STUFF?

I don't feel as though I am especially materialistic (although I could be wrong).  Owning lots of things has never been my goal.  And yet...we have So. Much. STUFF!  Where did it all come from?  Why is it all hiding in my attic?  Didn't we just have a yard sale?  Do we really NEED all this?

No.  We don't.  Of course we don't.  So we will pare down, weed out the junk, throw away the past.  Not all of it, but a good portion of it.  It is good to do this, to muddle through everything one owns, to decide what's really important.  It feels good to know that the things we will be bringing with us to the new house will be the things we really care about, things that have meaning to us.  But without fear to motivate us, I doubt we would ever have taken on this task.  Sorting through an entire house worth of stuff is beyond daunting - it is monumentally stressful.  It is ridiculously time consuming.  It presents one with an overwhelming amount of decision-making opportunities.

So here we are, on a lovely holiday weekend, cleaning out the attic.  Some stuff got boxed up (photo albums, of course, and books...more books than we need or will ever read again).  A lot of stuff got taken to Goodwill.  Some stuff got thrown away or recycled.  And there is more.  A whole lot more, and a month left to get it all sorted, boxed, stored or dumped.  But in this out-of-control summer, where we feel at the mercy of the Real Estate Gods, getting our belongings in order brings us a small but comforting measure of control.

How Did We Get Here?

It seemed too good to be true - and it was.  Someone wanted to buy our house and we had found the lot of our dreams.  We had a builder, a buyer, house plans and a great location.  Even the timing was perfect!  The sale of our house would complete on May 28th, but our buyers were renters and happy to rent our house back to us until August 15th.  Our builder was confident our new house would be done by then.  I made my first mistake - I started to get my hopes up.

We closed on the house as scheduled, and that night we celebrated.  We sold our house!  After more than a year of trying!  And we would be building our dream house!  The joy lasted the weekend.

The next week, days before we were to close on our new lot, my husband called me from work.  "There's a problem," he said.  "The town won't let us build."  The land owner had done something which precluded the land from being built on.  So there we were, already on a tight deadline, with our dream snatched away.  That was the beginning of a month of complete panic, worry, fear, and chaos.  Where would we live?  Could we find another lot we loved a much as the first one?  Would we have to give up our dream of building a home and buy one instead?  Which town would we end up living in?  Where would the kids go to school? 

A month later, we still have many unanswered questions.  We do, however, THINK we have a lot.  The closing date is coming up this week, so we still fear something could go wrong.  But (fingers crossed) if it works, it will be wonderful.  It's a big, beautiful lot in a great town.  However, since it is now July, we clearly won't have a house by August 15th.  So where will we go?  That is the question that wakes me at 3am.